Um…

Monday, 4 June

I spoke too soon about the rain. And the heat. And if there’s not much to do except go to the park on days that are hot and sunny, there’s even less when it’s cold and rainy.

We spent another quiet morning reading, writing, going through photos. We received calls from both Sveta and Kseniya to coordinate our driver to pick us up at noon, but when noon rolled around, there was no driver. At about 12:15, Kseniya called to tell us that they couldn’t find our driver and that they were looking for another driver to cover for us.

Fortunately, Kseniya has a friend who drives a taxi, and he was able to fill in. He arrived about 12:45, with instructions to take us to exchange money and then to the orphanage. When we got in, he asked us how much we needed to exchange, and I scrambled to remember the word for $200 (advice when coming to Ukraine…learn numbers in Russian!!!). He chattered on for a minute, and I figured out that he was making sure we all agreed that the exchange rate of 5 grivna to a dollar was current and fair, and then he whipped out 1000 grivna and handed it to me, while careening around the town center. With a bit of surprise, Mark fished out $200, and Oleg proved that efficiency is known to *some* in Ukraine!

When we arrived at the orphanage, Kseniya asked us to wait in the Room of the Loud Bird, and Masha appeared a few seconds later. We were told that the Director wanted to speak with us (which was good because we wanted to speak with her, too), so while we waited for her, we pulled out the laptop and showed Masha through some of the photos from the past few days. When we were called in, we left Masha on the couch with it.

We came back out about 30 minutes later, and Amina had arrived. They had pulled up an MP3 player application, but hadn’t yet found the play button. By the time we emerged from the psychologist’s office after half hour, the girls had gotten a DVD from upstairs and were watching that. They popped it out, and Amina scrambled back upstairs when we announced it was finally time to leave for lunch.

For the entirety of the hosting time last summer, Masha called us Mark and Christine. Since we’ve been here, she’s still called us Mark and Christine, but she’s also been calling us “Um.” Kind of like when you first get married and you’re not entirely sure what to call your in-laws, we’re hearing a hesitance from her…. “do I call them Mom and Dad, or Mark and Christine? I am not sure. I think I will call them Um.” We are referring to ourselves as Mama and Papa, but not forcing the issue. So when we took Masha for a quick, uneventful cafeteria lunch, I was encouraged that she called me “Ma” when she offered me a bite of her ham salad. At least, I hope it was “Ma” and not a dyslexic “Um.”

After lunch, we took Masha back to the orphanage and made arrangements to return at 5:00; we had received special permission to take the girls to the circus that night to celebrate Fred and Lisa’s successful court hearing! We all piled into the cars and headed through an unfamiliar part of town to the circus venue. We weren’t really sure what to expect, but it was certainly not the Memorial Coliseum! It wasn’t even a Big Top…is was more like a Small Top.

Perched on a knoll beside the streetcar tracks, between two high-rise apartment buildings, was a bright orange and yellow tent. A few small trailers dotted the lot behind the tent, and a muddy trail led to the ticket booth that sat in front. We were a bit early, but no people could be seen on the grounds. The girls rushed ahead, and were deep in conference when Kseniya announced to us that there was no circus performance tonight. Uh oh.

She promised the girls that we could all go on Wednesday when shows resumed. We were amazed that they all handled this news quite well, shifted gears, and asked to go to the park. Despite the fact that it was in the low 60s, overcast, and sprinkling rain off and on, we agreed. The girls were so happy just to be together again that they were all in great spirits, even when we arrived and announced that none of the park rides were running. They just raced off to the playground and had a grand time.

At one point, Masha came up to me and asked “I want to bubble gum.” She got the requested gum and a huge hug along with “Good English!” from me! Right now, it’s the effort that gets the reward…we’ll worry about correcting her later!!!

We returned them late and tired to the orphanage, and we headed home. Quick stop at the grocery for a couple things, and we were in for the night.

On a side note, our meetings with the Director and Psychologist were very good. We talked a lot about Masha’s recent moods. They agree that she is afraid of coming to the US, but that she still loves us very much and wants to go with us. Both meetings were very informative, and we learned a lot about how to tailor our efforts when we get back home. We talked with the psychologist about some very concrete strategies to help her adjust, to build trust, and to motivate and encourage her. It’s also very interesting to compare her personality traits and coping styles to our own; God knew what he was doing when he put us all together, and she is definitely our daughter!!!

Extreme Day

Sunday, 3 June

For the first time since we landed in Ukraine, I uttered the words “I’m cold.” Outside.

The day dawned with the promise of sun and heat; I dressed as usual in lightweight capris and a camisole, knowing that we would be outside most of the day; I gave up carrying the contingency sweatshirt weeks ago. But clouds began to form late in the morning.

We picked Masha up at 11:20, and sat on a park bench outside the orphanage to share with her the plans for the next couple of weeks so she would know what to expect. We explained that a week from tomorrow, we would leave the orphanage and travel to the capital of the region, and then on to Kiev. We told her that she would be able to write letters and call her friends, but that she needed to spend some with them this week.

We also explained about the baby shower that we had before we came to Ukraine, and that there were some special gifts for her that we had brought with us, and that she would receive when she gets home. We wanted her to understand that these gifts were special, welcoming her to our family, and also that she wouldn’t be receiving gifts like this every day.

We could sense that Masha had reached her limit for this conversation; she acknowledged that she understood everything, and that she had no questions. We are learning that she is not afraid of being honest with us about her feelings, though…when Kseniya asked if she as excited about coming to the US, she said “no, not really.” She realizes that she is going to be leaving everything she knows, and moving into a culture that is totally different, where she doesn’t know what’s appropriate or expected behavior and she doesn’t understand or speak the language, and she realizes that it’s not going to be like last summer’s holiday where we were always doing something fun. But she still knows that she wants to come with us and be part of our family.

While this isn’t the storybook scene that we had imagined, the three of us holding hands and skipping onto the plane, it’s honest. It’s true. It’s the reality of messy and conflicting human emotions that each of us experience, but that we often try to hide. My heart goes out to her as she works through everything that’s going on inside her. I love her more for her openness.

After the talk, we went to a bookstore to let her choose some Russian books that she would like to bring back to America, and then we went to a pizzeria for lunch. At one point, I commented that we wanted her to be happy, and she replied “I can’t be happy all the time.” We found this to be a very mature and honest evaluation of life.

The happiness came, though, when we hopped in the car and headed to Extreme Park. Masha lit up, choosing rides and buying tickets. She began using more English, explaining which of us was to ride which rides with her, and telling us that she wanted to do next. Each time she headed for the ticket booth, she would point at herself and say “I…” and then move two fingers in a running motion and made a little sound effect. We then supplied the word “run.” Rather than just nodding and running off, she repeated “I run,” and then took off to buy tickets. After a couple of these, she remembered and spontaneously announced, “I run.” Making progress!!!!

About an hour into our time at Extreme Park, the dark clouds rolled in, and we started hearing rumbling. A little thunder and lightning do not seem to trouble the ride operators at Extreme Park. So, as a cold breeze started whipping around my bare shoulders, raising goosebumps the size of small mountains on my arms, Mark and Masha continued to ride.

Mark tried and tried to get Masha to ride the Space Gun to no avail. In order to make a point, Mark decided to ride it by himself. Masha bought a ticket for him, and he climbed up the stairs while Masha and I watched and said “No Way!!!” He then sat strapped into the seat for a solid ten minutes while the operator waited for more riders with a very bored look on her face. Each time it looked like she was ready to start it, another person would come running up.

Finally, the ride started up, and Mark realized that he had not watched the pattern of this ride before he boarded it. It swung back and forth twice, then two full circles…all fine and expected. Then it swung to the top and stopped at the peak, leaving Mark hanging upside down, a thousand feet in the air (ok, more like 75), for what seemed like forever. Masha would have been screaming her head off.

Sasha finally arrived, and I ran to the car to warm up as Masha rode the swings one final time. They hopped in the car a few minutes later, and we returned to the orphanage while Masha was still in a good mood. We hugged her goodbye, and headed back to the apartment as the skies opened up and dumped a cold rain over the city.

We picked up our laptop, headed back for some internet time, and then to the grocery store, and a quiet dinner at the apartment. Evenings go slowly and quickly all at once…we are very glad that we brought a LOT of movies, books, and music. Shopping and making dinner takes some time, but we have also had opportunity to more time than usual together. We are feeling a little disconnected from the outside world; as I write, we have Mark’s iPod playing NPR podcasts that he downloaded before we left….it will be nice to get back home and watch Meet The Press!

The Beach, Redux

Saturday, 2 June

We will go to the sea,” proclaimed Kseniya. So we went to the sea. This time, we found a spot a little futher down the beach, away from the seaport and nearer to the giant, blow-up water slide. We are learning that while there aren’t a lot of different places one can go in this town, all of them are equipped with rides of some sort. And all of them cost a grivna or two or three to ride. And, of course, children are addicted to them.

We packed up a bag full of towels and toys and apples and chips, and headed for the orphanage. We picked up Kseniya on the way, and the girls were waiting for us at the gate when we arrived. We also saw some of the other kids, and Sergei put on a great little soccer show for the camera…(Lisa and Pat, we got some good video for you, but the files are too big to send…)

“Once we arrived at the beach, we found an open spot under a big willow tree and laid out our blankets. Of course, Mark and I still had not acquired bathing suits, so Lisa and Fred were stuck with taking the girls into the water. Kseniya went in as well, while Mark stayed on shore and took pictures, and I stayed under the tree to watch our stuff.

The girls swam for a while, and then Masha returned to me and said “I want hungry.” The effort to use English was well appreciated, and I gave her an apple, which disappeared very quickly. The girls settled in on the beach blanket, and Lisa pulled out some really cool dry-erase flash cards. Khrystyna and Amina jumped right in, but Masha was pretty resistant, mumbling “I don’t know” to pretty much each letter, until we asked Kseniya to explain that this was important. After that, she only missed a couple! We know that she is smart, and we suspect that our biggest challenge with her will be motivation.

After the English lesson, they all swam again until it was time to go, and there was enough of a breeze for Mark to get Fred’s kite to fly.

We decided that we wanted to get lunch at Amstor, and then shop for a couple of items for the girls while we were there. Masha tried to get away with a lunch of French fries and a chocolate pastry, but we insisted that she get something of *some* nutritional value, so she also got a plate of vareneki, which she scarfed down first. She was a little annoyed that we wouldn’t let her get a soda, but since she had one the day before, we did not feel the least bit guilty.

After lunch, the girls were all pretty tired, so we shopped quickly for some shoes for Amina and Khrystyna. Masha was very helpful, working to find and direct the other girls to cute shoes that they might like…it was nice to see that, since she seemed to be falling into the “bored teenager” funk a little too easily!

We got ice cream on the way out of the store, and then headed back to the orphanage a little early. We had Kseniya explain to Masha the plan for tomorrow; we will be separate from Fred and Lisa, but we’ll be going back to Extreme Park…so it’s a tradeoff.

After we dropped her off, we went into town, did a bit more shopping, and hit Papa Karlo’s for a beer and some online time before heading home. It’s really sort of surprising how much we’re able to do on our own now…my studies are paying off a little, and people are very patient and kind! It takes a lot more energy than expected to do basic things like shop for a watch or pick up groceries, but with the right attitude and expectations, we’re making progress.

The trip is certainly increasing my understanding of what Masha will be going through once we’re back home—some of the frustrations and challenges she’ll face, and how much it takes to do the basics. I certainly will be more sensitive to “overdoing” it and to her need for quiet activities to recharge. Today, I’m really struck by the magnitude of the changes that will come for both Masha and for us!

Much Ado About Something

Friday, 1 June

Since we arrived in Ukraine, there’s been much ado about the upcoming “1 June Celebration.” Finally, the day has arrived! The kids, workers, and sponsors have all been working very hard to make sure everything is perfect, and when we arrived at the orphanage a few minutes before 10:00 this morning, we saw that their work had paid off.

Streamers and helium balloons hung everywhere, the courtyard had been transformed into a marketplace for crafts the kids had made, and people filled the area. Kids dashed around in their costumes, greeting visitors and tending to last minute preparations. A few of them paused long enough for us to get some pictures, and of course Masha gave us each quick hugs.

We had been asked to keep a low profile, so Kseniya ushered us into the recital hall just ahead of the throng of visitors, and settled us into seats in the back corner, where we would have a great view of the proceedings, but be a little less conspicuous. The audience flooded in shortly after us, and all seats were filled. TV cameras and newspaper reporters covered the event

The celebration opened with Masha floating across the parquet floor wearing a beautiful white gown, in the arms of a young man leading her in a beautiful waltz. Three other pairs of dancers floated through, but our eyes were focused on our beautiful daughter.

Following the dance introduction, there were several presentations to acknowledge sponsors, workers, and some special accomplishments of some of the kids. The benefactor who made Vika’s surgery possible last winter was one of the major participants, and they called her up with him to tell her story.

After the last presentations and awards, the children took the stage. They performed a fabulous but loose adaptation of The Wizard of Oz, with Little Masha as Dorothy and Sergiy as The Scarecrow. The kids clearly loved the opportunity to sing and dance, and the costumes were fantastic. We were so blessed to be able to share in this event and see the results of the effort of the kids and staff.

(Note to families…yes, we have video. We can’t transfer it from here, but we will make DVDs to share when we get back home)

After the performance was complete, the audience adjourned to the courtyard to mingle and shop for baked goods and trinkets that the kids had made. We bought a large layered pastry and some gooey chocolate confection things for the girls to share with the other kids, and we also purchased a few crafts that Masha and her friend Lena had made.

Too soon, the time came to bid the girls farewell for the afternoon. It had been a very busy morning, and the kids and staff still faced the monumental task of cleaning up. Just before we left, Masha took Mark around to photograph all of the drawings that the older kids had made in sidewalk chalk on the parking lot. She was particularly proud of hers, and Papa made a big deal of the great job she had done.

The celebration was a huge success, and we had a lot of fun.

Electricity Is Not Our Friend

Thursday, 31 May 2007

Last night, as we were hanging around the house, Mark asked me if I smelled something funny. Now, this town always smells kind of funny, so I said “Well, no.” End of story. (and you’re all thinking, Hmm, that’s really not worthy of my time to read…just wait, dear friends).

This morning, we woke up, had a cup of tea, chatted on the phone for a few minutes, and then noticed that the battery was close to dead. So we put the phone on the charger. Again, really exciting, huh?

A couple hours later, Mark asks again if I smell something funny. It seems to smell oddly electrical, but I assume that it’s something from the steel mills, that was intensified by the rain yesterday. I further apply logic and determine that whatever the smell is, it’s recirculating in our apartment because everything is closed up and the air conditioning was on.

Ten or fifteen minutes later, Mark looks over to see if the phone is done charging and notices, uh, smoke. Smoke not good. He quickly unplugs the charger, but discovers that is not the source of the smoke. Instead, the smoke is wafting up from the receptacle where the air conditioner is plugged in nearby.

Mark kicks into overdrive, and as he tries to unplug the air conditioner, the little plastic adapter that was between the plug and the power strip (yes, it was plugged into a freaking power strip!!!) stretches out like a piece of pulling taffy. We get the plug separated from the adapter, and the adapter separated from the power strip before everything cools off and fuses together permanently.

The air conditioner still works, but one of the prongs on the plug is charred and wiggles like a 6-year-old’s loose tooth. We have recommended that the plug be replaced by a qualified electrician, but the landlady didn’t seem as concerned. She did say that a man will come.

So now we’re afraid to plug anything in. We have no clue how these Soviet-era buildings are constructed, but I’m betting the wiring doesn’t exactly conform to code. Based on no principles of physics whatsoever, we have decided to spread out our gadgets to different plugs in the apartment…cell phone charger in the bedroom, laptop and camera charger on a different outlet in the living room, etc. Everything away from the air conditioner.

Thus begins the search for another outlet that is still within a cord-length of the couch. After a few minutes, we located one behind the piano. Outlets are located at about chair-rail height around here, so that’s not quite as horrible as it sounds. I realized I could reach it, and that I had a good chance of plugging a power strip in there. Mark pulled all the breakable stuff off the top of the piano (I’m a known klutz with things like that…) and I reached behind with the plug of a power strip.

After shoving it around blind for a couple of minutes, I decided I really needed to determine where the holes of the outlet really were. Expecting it to be somewhat like an American outlet, I thought I could brush my fingers across the surface, orient myself to the location of the holes, and then resume my blind efforts to plug this darn thing in.

You guys know where this is going, don’t you? After a couple of seconds of this, I see a spark a millisecond before I feel a nasty zap shoot up my right arm. Yup, like a two-year-old, I stuck my finger in the outlet. A 220 outlet. Ouch.

After I jumped around the apartment, Mark plugged the power strip in…without electrocuting himself. For you worrywarts who wonder if I’m OK, yes. I’m fine. My arm tingled and hurt a little bit for about an hour, but overall, I’m fine. Really. But I have learned that Электричество is not my friend.

Other than attempting to burn down our whole apartment building, not much happened today. Lunch at a new cafeteria…Amstor (the Wal-Mart-like grocery and whatever-else-you-might-want store) also has a cafeteria with pretty darn good food. We went there for efficiency’s sake. We only had about an hour to eat and for the girls to shop for a small birthday gift for one of their caregivers. We also did a little bit of shopping before we picked the girls up, and then a little more after we dropped them off. Ordinary day. Except for the electrocution part. :-)