Moonlight

The backyard glows a soft white; crisp shadows lean in from an unfamiliar direction. Every bush, every flower, every tree shines.

The first time I remember noticing moonlight, I think I was about four. I woke in the middle of the night and crept to the bathroom. Well, I probably didn't creep; four-year-olds aren't the best at creeping. I probably ran into three walls, slammed a couple of doors, woke my parents up, and tripped over a dog or two. Memories sometimes trick us like this, so I all I remember is the silence.

As I sneaked through the hallway, a sparkle from the living room caught my eye. I expected darkness, but a bright blue-white light flooded through the windows and came to rest in long patches on the worn carpet. My mom's crystal ashtray captured the moonbeams and held them hostage, releasing tiny focused twinkles while casting a dark shadow where the rainbows should have been.

Every object in the room glowed in the blue light. Bright and dark, gentle and strong. My eyes wide and sensitive, the contrast felt sharper than sunlight on the brightest day.

But most striking was the peace. In the stillness of the room, I felt the moment stop. The beauty of a simple room, in a simple house, seen in a new light.

This image returns to me from time to time. The same snapshot in my memory, the same angle, the crisp line between light and shadow stretching across the living room carpet. It's an image of peace. From before.

So this morning, stumbling into the kitchen to make coffee, the moonlight splayed across the deck captured me again. It carried me back to crouch beside that vulnerable four-year-old me and for a moment let her peace wash over me the same way the moonlight washed across the living room floor.

Moses, on Quitting

It's been a rough week at work....month...face it, it's been a rough season.

There are a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with me. But I'm not arrogant enough to believe that I'm wholly blameless either. I let my intuition grasp a situation in a split second, and then rather than hand it off to my brain to figure out, process, and present reasonably, my emotion just runs off with the idea all half cocked and charges at the windmill. This is not a good thing. There have been many days when I just wanted to throw in the towel...say that's it, i'm done.

But what I'm learning in Jon Acuff's Quitter as well as from other leadership and dream chasing gurus is: it's not time to quit yet. It won't be time to quit for a long time.

I give a lot to my current job (sometimes too much), but I get a lot in return. The work is interesting and challenging. I enjoy making order out of chaos. I am inspired by leading a team, and by inspiring them to find new ways to solve problems. I am proud of the idea that we're standing up a system that will help a global organization communicate and deliver services more effectively.

I love the people I work with....well, most of them. And the ones I don't love, yeah, those are the ones Jesus says to love anyway.

But these aren't the reasons that I need to stay.

I need to stay because my dream is still brewing. It's dripping slowly through the locally roasted, coarsly burr-ground sumatran-blend that will taste oh, so good when it's done. But it would taste like mud if I got impatient, poured it into the cup right this instant and took a big swig.

It's not my time yet. I've been hustling for exactly 12 days now. And I took two of them off. so....um, that's more like 10. I need to practice. I need to make mistakes. I need to develop focus and discipline. I need to let God know I'm serious.

Moses didn't lead the Israelites out of Egypt ten days after he showed up. It took a little longer. Sure they were miserable. Yeah, the locusts and blood and stuff, not such a great week, or month, or season for all of them. But he didn't just say "Well Pharoah, dude, I'm over this, I'm done, I quit......all of y'all Israelites, it's been nice, and I wanted to take you somewhere, but yeah, I'm a little pissed now, so I'm heading on back."

Nope. He stuck it out. He let God work through him where he was. And what awesome work it was.

What do you need to learn while you chase your dream???

What I learned from dog vomit

As a dog returns to its vomit.....

....so a fool repeats his folly.

I saw this verse on Twitter recently (Prov 26:11 for those who are playing along at home).

At first, I laughed. Because, well, vomit is kinda funny. Unless it's on your frisee rug. Or under the dinner table. Both places where we've experienced the special awesomeness of dog vomit in the last month, by the way.

Then comes the image of the dog actually coming back to it. We've all seen that. The idea that a dog's mouth is the cleanest place? Not buying that. I've seen what my dog puts in his mouth.

And there's the inevitability of it. The dog just plain can't help himself. He *can't* stay away from that tempting pile of goodness. And that, my friends, is the point. We know it's not goodness. It's puke. Maybe it used to be yummy super-premium dog food. But not anymore.

Now, it's nasty. It's the stuff that makes other people need to puke when they see it. Or smell it. But the dog comes back to it anyway. And tries to eat it.

And that's what Solomon is trying to tell us about us, too. AS a dog returns...SO a fool repeats his folly. Let me repeat that last bit. So a fool repeats his folly.

Now, I don't think i'm a fool. So this must not apply to me, right? But you know what? Merriam-Webster defines folly as "lack of good sense or normal prudence and foresight." I've displayed plenty of that.

I keep doing things that aren't good for me (or anyone else for that matter). I do the same things over and over, expecting different results. I cling to approaches and situations that would be best cleaned up, tossed in the garbage and hauled away.

I have vomit in my life. Less than i had 20 years ago, sure. But it's there. And it's time for me to clean it up.

What is your vomit?

Is it that time already??

School starts today.

In less than an hour, they will both board a bus to the High School.

Today, they embark on a new season of classes and homework, of football games, of friends and opportunities and choices. They seek independence, yet the glue is still drying between us as a family.

For kids raised outside their family of origin, or in a family with significant trauma or dysfunction, it's harder to grow the bonds of trust and to learn to rely on others. It's harder for them to understand the balance of love and authority. It's harder to grasp the trust that lies within teamwork.

Our family is lucky. Blessed. Our girls have both experienced deep hurts and loss, but they know the love and grace of Jesus. It's difficult for them to fully understand the depth of God's love, or the extent to which He is there for us, but if we're honest with ourselves, who among us truly gets that? Not many.

So for this school year, for this day, my prayer is for two scared and excited girls to experience the amazing plans God has crafted just for them, to learn and grow into the amazing women God has formed them to be, and to rise above the distractions and temptations of culture to focus on God's instruction for us...to love as Jesus loved, to give as Jesus gave, and to serve as Jesus served.

Guess that's my prayer for all of us.....

Book Review: Adopt Without Debt by Julie Gumm

"There is not one example in the Bible of God calling someone to do something and then using debt as a tool to accomplish it." - Dave Ramsey

These words slammed Julie Gumm in 2007, just as she and her husband Mark embarked on a journey to adopt a sibling pair, aged six and eight from Ethiopia.

The gazelle-intensity learned in Financial Peace University provided Julie and Mark the practical foundation for living debt-free and financial freedom to serve others. With these tools and faith in God's provision, Julie and Mark committed to adopt their children without borrowing a penny.

The first two questions asked by any prospective adoptive parent are "where do I start?" and "how much will it cost?"...the unfortunate truth is that with the market tanking and our national credit rating taking a hit, finances are a real challenge in our society. Our personal financial situation impacts our sense of freedom to follow God's calling, but our God is HUGE and He will partner with us to provide when we commit to doing things His way.

Julie tells a story of just that. Gazelle intensity and hard work brought Julie and Mark out of a debt that, if left to grow, would have held them back from the future plans God had for them. Once their slavery to debt was cut free, God provided ministry opportunities to Julie and Mark that reduced their family income dramatically. Still, they heard his call to adopt and knew that He would provide.

But Julie doesn't stop with just sharing her story. Much of her book is dedicated to teaching about finding grants and maximizing the money gained from selling your "stuff." Further, Julie shares step-by-step guides to holding fundraisers and engaging your wider community of family and friends to help in creative ways.

With this engaging book, Julie has destroyed the excuse of "it costs too much to adopt." God calls us to care for the widow and the orphan. While He's unlikely to airdrop a pallet of cash in the back yard, He provides by sharing battle plans through people like Julie.

Adoption can be expensive, but it doesn't have to lead to debt. Julie and Mark Gumm's story is proof, and her easy-to-read, practical advice will help any family achieve their own commitment to a debt-free adoption.

To learn more about Julie and her adoption journey, visit her blog here.